I'm not sure what I expected, but after 4 months, I am still overwhelmed by all the support and love that has been outpouring. I've been very blessed, humbled, and fortunate to have this experience. Perhaps that is weird for me to reflect upon, but I am fortunate for this opportunity. While I very much regret my actions and the poor choices that have led me to this moment, I am happy that I am on the downward path toward correcting my wrong. I have not had a drink in over 4 months, so I have been clear headed. My spiritual life has been more focused, and I have this incredible amount of time to focus on myself. Focusing on any of the other stuff (giving up freedom, living in fear of being taken to a maximum security, absent from all my loved ones, missing life events, including deaths) does not promote myself to better and improve.
I needed these past months of isolation to regroup my thoughts, readjust my emotions, and reframe my priorities to make a positive and wholesome impact in this life. I have been surrounded by constant reminders of God's love and the miracles of hope! I am sorry that it took me a lot of deviations through the legal system to obtain this moment, but I am grateful for it all. Thank you to everyone again who have been supportive, and maybe even those that have not been as supportive. I need the challenges of the negativity to help keep me grounded. Ok, enough mush about these past few months...Here is what I have been up to this week. ->
Week in Review:
The past week's weather has been cold, wet, and snowy at times. It was finally sunny and 40 degrees today, but the past five days have been bitterly cold. Earlier in the week, I was called to the conference room in the Education wing of the rec building. Initially, I was guarded about going to the meeting, since I had no context as to why I would be going to the library. Well, I was offered the librarian position, which would be for 2 evening hours from Monday through Friday. Yup, the job that I initially wanted and supposed missed the first interview was offered to me.
I had the impression that the supervising officer had not remembered me (I'm probably just another face). He said that after reviewing my file, I made his "short-short list". I thought about his short-short list when I first applied and wondered why he hadn't considered me previously. His excuse at the time was that I missed his call, which I am certain never happened. Now, I'm in the position to accept or not. I politely decline. I told him that I would be happy to work weekends, but I was quite content with my job in the electric department. He retorted, "Wow, I thought you would want to leave that job," insinuating that an electrician is below par of a librarian. I really enjoy my electrician job, and it pays more. LOL, while we are only talking about a dollar or two more, since none of the jobs really pay much. In fact, I understand that the prison system has a set pay scale, but due to budget constraints, the Morgantown pay scale is significantly lower than the pay scale. I still do not know how they are able to justify paying us less than the scale, but if the money isn't there - then it's not there. While staring at me in hopes that I would further consider the position, I reasserted that I would like the opportunity to work a weekend shift when one becomes available but could not do the librarian job during the week. Three months ago, I was bothered that I had lost that job but grateful that I was accepted as a electrician. In this mundane environment of prison, life has a sense of humor.
On Thursday, the one band that I play in, Two Point Enhancement, had a concert. We played for 75 minutes. About 100 or so guys showed up after dinner. They seemed to really like the songs, especially the one song that was sort of mainstream, Cocaine by ZZ Top (I think?!). It is quite sad that I do not know who wrote or originally covered these songs, but I certainly do not have a passion for them. Overall, the concert was a success with the one criticism that we should play more known songs! On Tuesday, we had a follow-up band meeting to discuss our next set, which happens to be even more obscure and unknown songs. I really do not wish to learn songs that I do not connect with. I will be having a discussion with the band at the next meeting to let them know my stance, so my tenure with the band might be short-lived. I will certainly be available if they have a song that requires piano, but my desire to learn these odd songs remains short of anything but passion.
I had my second class to be a GED tutor, which seemed to go well. The class was rudimentary, which just covered the basic learning styles of adults (yawn). I do not want to become too full of myself since I approach this opportunity to learn and grow, but I am confident that I am good candidate to be a tutor 🙂
I hope this blog entry serves as an opportunity to escape from the chaotic mess and devastation that bombards our world, especially through the news. I wish everyone a joyful, health, and just a good week. Thank you again for all your support and love! Keep your eyes open for those little miracles (and write them down and share them if you feel compelled)!