Waking up to news of the tragic New Orleans terrorist attack overwhelmed me with sadness; only to be further enhanced by the deadly Cybertruck explosion in Las Vegas. I had to refocus the start to the New Year on positivity and hope without letting tragedy control the mood. Uneventfully a third New Year begins for me at FPC Morgantown. Each beginning to the year offers an opportunity to have a clean slate (aka tabula rosa) for bettering ourselves by improving aspects of health and establishing personal goals or resolutions. Ah, resolutions. They provide opportunities to refine, revisit, or resolve solutions for something deficient, missing, or failing from making us full happy. At the onset of 2023, I had asked for forgiveness from anyone that has been hurt or personally dismayed by my actions, whether it dealt with the criminal/legal stuff, general encounters (attitude, disrespect), or some behavior that simply didn’t help to make you a better person. I remain wholly sorry and truly regret that I impeded on you from becoming the best person you could be at that time. Then, 2024 I shared my hope to make the best of my rehabilitative journey while in Morgantown to truly understand how I failed myself and loved ones through neurodivergent criminality or thinking like a criminal.
I’ve harped on the metaphor that the legal system casts an accused on a distant island, whether the person is innocent or not. A public accusation or a disparaging behavior becomes magnified causing even little scruples to become distractions that further isolates a person on that desolate island. While I’ve stood on that island, being hopelessly lost, I forgot how to swim or attune a strategy to leave the island. It’s a dark and terrible place to be. Suddenly, but too late, it became clear that to leave the island I just needed to tap into the support and aid of loved ones. I needed to humbly ask for help, which came all too late. The past two years have allowed me to deeply reflect, grow, and rehabilitate on so many poor decisions that I’ve made. So moving into 2025, I resolve to heal and strengthen aspects of my life that were damaged by my past. While the damage has already been done, I can rebuild, restore, and reinforce those areas like friendships/relationships, faith, and civility. Incarceration certainly limits some abilities, but again, I must navigate those obstacles and continue to foster healing and strength in order to become a better human – tabula rosa. Looking in the rearview mirror is important to see where we’ve come, but its critical to be in the present in the moment with eyes focused ahead to see where we are going.
I wish you and your loved ones a joyous and refreshing start to this New Year. I really appreciate you taking the time to check-in and allowing me to share this personal narrative of my prison journey. My prayers are with you and your loved ones, and with the victims and families that ushered in 2025 with tragedy. I hope you have a wonderful week and continue to look for a little miracle in your life 🙂