No updates regarding the closure of FPC Morgantown have been shared with us. We are expected to be ready to move within a few hours’ notice, which is a welcomed change. At first, I was a bit anxious about where I would be relocated, but I cannot do anything about it. I overheard two inmates discussing what prisons were nearby. One guy asked, “What other prisons are in Virginia?” “The other guy responded, “None. There aren’t federal prisons in Virginia.” The one guy quipped, “Well, we’re here in prison.” “The other guy perplexed said, “We’re in West Virginia.” The one guy retorted, “Yes, Virginia…the west side of Virginia.” Sheesh, this poor fella didn’t know that Virginia and West Virginia were two different states.
Sometimes I wonder how some guys were able to be prosecuted and sent to prison. I have encountered many men that don’t seem to have the mental capacity to even be a criminal, which has nothing to do with education. I’ve met a few guys with advanced degrees, and they can’t seem to figure out when their assigned toilet paper ration day is. Aside from an assigned commissary day, the assigned toilet paper day is the most sacred of days to know, which is the same day every other week. On two separate occasions, I’ve had to clarify the assigned days for guys since they were confused about the schedule, which would be understandable if they had been newly assigned to the prison. No, these guys had been in Morgantown for nearly two years and could not remember their assigned day, which had not changed in that two-year time period!
You may think that I’m being a bit harsh, but please know that I am not. I am trying to capture an actual reality in the daily prison experience: many incarcerated men lack basic common sense and apparently just become
dumbed down the longer they are incarcerated. This conundrum certainly perplexes me since these men are supposed to be rehabilitating themselves to prepare for reentry into society. Just earlier in the week, I overheard a brief conversation while I was commuting to the dining hall, which went like this…
Inmate 1: I bet these geese are good to eat.
Inmate 2: They are tough meat and need to be cooked longer than a chicken or duck.
Inmate 1: Why’s that?
Inmate 2: Because they have more muscle, so it takes longer for the meat to cook ’em.
Inmate 1: They seem kinda smart since they know when we’re gonna eat.
Inmate 2: Yeah. My friend had a pet goose, and if it didn’t like you, it would nip at your butt – it’d “goose” you.
Inmate 1: Hmm, so what’s the difference between a geese and a goose?
Inmate 2: A goose is bigger.
I couldn’t believe the breadth of this conversation, and how insightful it was for me to learn that a goose is bigger than a geese. Joking aside, I encounter these sorts of comical conversations on a daily basis. Without access to Google or ChatGPT for fact checking, conversed facts become a common element for disagreements. I mostly keep my mouth shut during these occurrences and just enjoy the entertaining value of the banter. Still, I become concerned that the idleness and lack of stimulating knowledge within this environment dumbs down the mind. If I could revisit that conversation, I would have added that a goose is American while a geese is Canadian.
Thank you for allowing me to share this silly element of daily life that I experience in a prison camp. I really appreciate all your support and taking a moment to check-in with me. I hope you have a wonderful week and please be mindful of any little miracle in your life this week 🙂
Ken Gaughan
Federal Prison Advocate and Consultant