This week marks 19 months of incarceration and an incredibly hot week for the records. In preparation for weekly church service, I looked at the readings used from the Bible, which focused on Jesus calming the sea. Exactly four years ago to the week was just as remarkably hot and sunny like this week. One day was a perfect summer day and perfect conditions for boating. I took a little journey on a boat – just myself forging the Chesapeake Bay. Hours of chopping through the bay’s waves, it was time to return home. Suddenly the sun became hazy, which I realized that an unforecasted summer storm was brewing. I placed the boat in full throttle and cruised back to the marina. I sped over the waves nearly hovering over them, but I was not fast enough for the immanent storm. Using my iPhone, I opened an app with the current weather radar and was startled. The radar indicated dark green splatters, but that wasn’t what startled me. I was in the middle of a red cell, which meant big trouble. Inevitably, I could not escape the enveloping weather system. It all happened so fast. Sheets of rain aiming for me, no matter which direction I went. Then, lightning directly hitting the water followed by deafening thunderous booms. My phone beeped with a watercraft advisory – stay off the bay at all costs. Thanks weather alert, a bit late for me. I looked all around and not a single vessel could be seen. I had no where to go. I worried that if I held my cell phone, it would attract lightning (I think this is an urban myth, but I was not taking chances).
From the point of when the weather formed and when I was caught in the middle it probably took no more than 5 minutes, which really felt like hours. I was vulnerable and helpless. Should I just turn off the engine, anchor, and hide under the canopy of the boat? No, I rationalized that the waves might capsize me if I stopped. Should I try to get close to land? Maybe, but no, the large waves might crash me into unseen rocks. Should I find a bridge to seek refuge? Nope, none were around. Should I pray? Absolutely. As I prayed, I continued full throttle, avoiding literal sheets of rain, crashing waves, and lightning strikes. I honestly don’t know how the lightning missed me. Then, a surreal peace overcame me, and I surrendered myself to having no control and possibly being struck by lightning and killed momentarily. Was today my death day? Obviously it was not. By some miracle, the rain had ceased as quickly as it started and the lightning too. Immediately, the bay was calm and the water as still as a mirror. How? Why? I had so many questions, but the biblical story of Jesus commanding the sea to be still came to mind. I actually cried and gave thanks for being unharmed and safe. I made it to the marina in gratitude and relief.
I have not told anyone this story since I don’t think I could actually describe how surreal and terrifying the experience had actually been. That day prepared me for the turbulence and storms of prison. No matter how difficult or unseemingly hopeless a moment seemed, I had sobriety in the stillness that I encountered from a prison storm. That summer day four years ago calibrated my perspective that moments of the unseen or the unpredictable maybe catastrophic, but do not fear since calming stillness will inevitably come. This perspective helped me these past 19 months of rehabilitation and fully accepting responsibility for my terrible crimes.
On Thursday, I had the best day since I arrived at Morgantown. What made it so great? I actually do not know. Nothing special happened and no significant life events changed. It was just another average day, but I had an incredibly positive mood and a lot of energy. Honestly, for the day, I felt like I was 20 years younger. When I had mentioned this to Drew, he reflected that maybe it was the full moon and summer solstice…or maybe it was just a great day. Despite the incredibly hot weather of this past week, I played pickleball in the afternoons, except for Wednesday, which was the Juneteenth holiday. I stayed inside my airconditioned quarters and read. The past 19 months have been redefining for me. I am entirely grateful to all the support, encouragement, and love that I have received throughout this journey and its storms. Have a wonderful week and continue to look for any little miracle in your life this week 🙂