“And just like that…she broke up with me and blocked me from emailing and calling her back,” he recapped the conversation between himself and his (ex)girlfriend of 7 years. Having support from loved ones is crucial for having a positive and successful prison experience (in my opinion). Learning this harsh lesson, the 28-year-old was retelling his relationship drama as he was beginning to serve a 5-year sentence. He continued to explain that his girlfriend was having her hair done at salon. Apparently, salons are hot-pockets of gossipy candor. Hair treatments apparently take a long time, which allow for lengthy discussions on life issues and such. In this particular instance, the guy’s girlfriend was just telling the stylist how her boyfriend just went to prison and that she was having a difficult time with the whole situation. Having heard so many heart-wrenching stories, the now beautician-psychologist advised that the girlfriend talk with another one of her clients who was experiencing the same situation: a boyfriend recently gone to prison. Acting upon the advice, the girlfriend calls the other client, and predictably the conversation is cut short. The two women instinctually (almost instantly) knew that their incarcerated men were one and the same person, probably since the names were the same. Caught! The young felon went through a rough patch in his long-term relationship while he was waiting for sentencing, so he began a relationship with another woman. While he was upset about the situation, he understood that he caused the relational dissonance with these two women and took full accountability for the outcome of his situation.
“Man, my girlfriend wants to buy a house in San Diego. She’s out there now with a realtor,” another man dissatisfactorily quipped. While he didn’t seem like he wanted to live in California, he would buy a house on the West Coast if he found a quality property within his budget. He further shared that he didn’t have full confidence with his girlfriend’s choices of potential properties that she was touring. I stared at him a bit confused since I knew from previous conversations that Michigan was his home. “Oh, I thought you said you were married to her,” I
commented while trying to process my confusion. “Oh, yeah. I am married and have an incredible wife,” he clarified. “Hmmm, but you have a girlfriend?” I quizzically asked. A burst of laughter from surrounding guys filled the hallway of my dorm (everyone listens to every conversation). As he’s chuckling, “Oh, I have a main piece and sidepiece.”
“I’m going to live with my women. I haven’t seen my wife and girlfriend in over 12 years,” the older felon smiled as he pondered this reunion upon his release. Thinking that this older guy surely was using the word “girlfriend” in
the platonic sense, especially since he had been locked up for over a decade, I hinted for him to clarify, “Oh, you mean a girl that’s a friend.” “No, my girlfriend,” the old-timer demonstratively rebuked. “Did I hear you correctly?
You’re going to live with both your wife and girlfriend!” I asked. “Yup, they are best friends,” he said smiling. “I bet many guys are envious of you!” I really wasn’t sure how else to respond to him. I wish these were three made-up stories, but I lack the creativity for such whim. I do not doubt that some guys tout multiple relationships with women but to do so while incarcerated seems impossible. However, one element of a prison culture is that the guys truly have an acceptance of a “sidepiece” or that is usually kept separate from their wives, girlfriends, baby mamas, or whatever. After being inundated with cultural curves of prison life, I am still awed by the audacity of many felons balancing multiple romantic relationships. It seems to be a norm among way too many guys. I have noticed that the definitive line between having a sidepiece or not is drawn by the type of crime: drug offender or white collar. I have not known the latter to have a sidepiece (yet).
Thank you for letting me share another aspect of prison living with you. While these stories are situationally comical, they really aren’t. These are people’s lives and clearly many of these guys are selfish and deceivers on a whole different level and do not think about the consequences until they have to clean up the pieces. I hope you all have a wonderful and incredible week. Please continue to be looking for any little miracles in your life