Month 17: One Moment in Time

I’ve been incarcerated 17 months at a federal prison. With each passing month, I escape quite frequently by recalling so many wonderful memories and simultaneously muse on how swiftly time has passed since those memorable moments. As I have continually stressed, being away from loved ones and missing important life/death events makes prison a prison. Yet, I am incredibly fortunate to have so much support, love, and encouragement from family and friends, which makes this incarcerated experience bearable. I also think about how I got myself here. Back in 2019, having harrowingly battled a courtroom trial, I was exhausted but primed to continue my defense. However, my family did not share the same vigor. I had to consider how another courtroom trial would impact them and what toll it would demand.
During the initial hype of the coronavirus pandemic, I was fraught with decisions and discerned different approaches to impending legal peril. After consulting with two separate attorneys, I further understood the ramifications of double jeopardy (aka being prosecuted twice for the same alleged crime): endure another grueling trial with a 99.99% conviction rate and appeal it for double jeopardy. Legally, my situation was so technical and perfunctory. More than likely, I would’ve been waiting in a jail cell or on house-arrest for about 2-5 years waiting for the appeal to be litigated. If decided in my favor, then I would’ve been vindicated, but at what cost? I could’ve technically served an unwarranted sentence – then what? Weighing many factors, I erroneously rationalized that I needed a “wild” card, at least many criminal defense strategies incorporated this element.
Planning for the 2019 trial, my attorney rigorously questioned me about potential “wild” cards: had I known of any other possible crimes. If I knew of something, of anything, then I could negotiate and possibly not face charges. In 2020, the “wild” card: federally-issued business loans. How does this “strategy” even make sense? Well, I would’ve been re-indicted with counts of fraud pertaining to the Archdiocese of Washington. Being told that the prosecutors were “throwing the book” at me and that they would pursue no plea agreement, I became desperately concerned. Thus, the “wild” card strategy would afford an opportunity to negotiate and mitigate the best plea agreement. Ironically, it would be a win/win for me and the government. I would offer information about another crime and have evidence to support it (this is also called a safety valve). I researched, planned, and executed the set-up for the strategy. Unfortunately, my research did not account for stacking of enhancements that causes a sentence to be longer and the public perception surrounding the coronavirus.
I had planned this action in March of 2020 when covid was highly debated and if it was even a serious virus – was covid a public scare or political overreaction? It wasn’t until later mid-2020 when the reality of covid’s heinous destruction really became palpable. Sadly, I did unknowingly abuse a situation and the supportive resources to help with that situation: the payment protection loans. I selfishly rationalized that the loans would be nothing more than negotiating points for a plea agreement. I was completely wrong. Now, in my 17th month in prison, I am
constantly reminded of how irrationally wrong and selfish I had been. While I acted out of self-preservation and fear, I lacked the foresight and proper judgment to work through the justice system and not try to manipulate a
disastrous situation to fit my agenda. I am terribly sorry and have been sorry to all those who have been negatively impacted by my actions: my family and friends.
Now, I am focused on rebuilding and redefining my situation to make a positive impact (making lemonade out of lemons). I anxiously look forward to rectifying my wrongs. The past 17 months have helped me hyperfocus on this goal of resuscitating the strong, good, and holy foundation that my life once had in making a positive impact instead of distracting from the joys of life. Again, I am grateful to all the encouragement and support that I have received over these past 17 months – from the core of my soul – THANK YOU!!! I appreciate your taking time to indulge me on this journey and please continue to be mindful of a little miracle in your life this week.